There's a high risk employee at "Fabrics That Go" on Campbell Street in Tucson.
His name is Herman, he doesn't need a last name. He's 84, and has been a rag merchant for 62 years. He left New Jersey when he was 55 to retire in Arizona. He hasn't retired yet.
"I sold the store to my son and now I have to work here so he can pay off the debt," he laughs, looking over his eyeglasses. "I'll be here when I die. They won't bury me, they'll weave me. My wife will point to my grave and say 'That's Herman, by the yard.'"Herman is told he could be a standup comic. "I do better lying down," he deadpans. Indeed. Herman favors the ladies and when it comes time to asking for a discount, he's got all kinds of ideas, some that must give his son a sense of panic from time to time. You can tell he's been warned, but he clearly likes risky business.
He told us that a designer came in to get several yards of a certain fabric. "That's great," the octonagerian said, "I'll give you 10 percent off."
"Herman," she responded, "What do I have to do to get 50?"
"Stay overnight," he countered.
"I'm great with women in walkers -- they can't get away," he twinkles.
He says he tries to be careful and knows his humor can be offensive if not tiresome. "I said something once to a lady. She was too churchy. She left and never came back." Imagine that.
His store is fabulous. Millions in inventory. Rich textures, weights, colors, designs. Warrens of rooms with bolts racked floor to ceiling. Impossible to see it all in one trip. The other employees seem to tolerate if not enjoy Herman. Oliver obediently hunts down bolts and measures them.
We finally made our selection, a geometric Aztec print, perfect for our purpose. Last night when we showed up at closing, Herman had told us that if we would come back today, he would give us a discount. Today, we approached the checkout with some trepidation."You're giving us a discount, right, Herman?" Kathleen said. He didn't even look up. "Yes, I suppose you'll want to see my wife in your back room for 15 minutes," I joked.
"Oh, it wouldn't take THAT long," he shot back with his oafish grin.
