Honored mother-to-be, Jenn Rolfsrud, having a laugh today with organizers Breck Rolfsrud and Briggs Siitari By Yelnats Dursflor
Lifestyle Editor
Ritual natal celebrations with overt gender restrictions naturally mystify the excluded sex. Anthropologists agree that no cultural event is more misunderstood than certain female tribal gatherings where a private circle of celebrants ritually adore a pregnant female with arcane chants, generous offerings and, in some rare cases, tummy-rubbing.
Traditionally excluded, men have understandably mythologized the routines and protocols of these enigmatic orchestrations. We shall endeavor to correct this and unravel at least the edges of this mystery, sort out the confusion, and give some insight to the enchantment of the secret cultural phenomenon known as The Baby Shower. And all without ever having attended one.----
TO BEGIN, there is no baby and there is no shower. Oddly enough, the baby is yet to be born and the participants will generally shower long before the event begins. (The photo, at right, is not a shower. It is something else that is best discussed another day, another time.)
According to Wikipedia, in the Hindu culture, this event is set to occur during the seventh month of pregnancy. In some societies, phases of the moon and stars will proscribe, or, locally, norms will dictate that rites not occur mid-week.The date and location is chosen by wiser and more influential members of the pregnant woman's kin. Ritual communications will go to blood and extended family members, relatives, friends, influential advisers and others. (Photo at left -- Linda Letnes, Nancy Rolfsrud, Kathleen Rolfsrud, all in-laws to the honoree) Great care is taken to exclude those who would not expect to be invited, all the while being careful to include those who do. Carelessness may result in loss of face. Over the years, anthropologists tell us, these cleverly-contrived communications have been dispatched in a variety of ways as clan members disperse themselves more and more into open society. The latest means is an innovation called an "e-vite."
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The chosen are expected to return their intentions and begin preparations. Great care is taken in gathering the proper offerings; broad hints are often given by elders and more knowledgeable members of the social hierarchy.
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On the day of the event, giddy celebrants cleanse their bodies, rub expensive oils into their skin and paint colorful markings on their lips and eyes. Ornamentation of the ears and neck is also considered, but not required.
(Photo, right, Grandma Mickey, Jenn and mother, Diane)
Generally speaking, these are jovial events, if not ribald. Traditional games are played, oral histories reviewed, news and guidance exchanged, and jokes told. Sometimes there is music and dancing. Offerings are presented with great fanfare, particularly in societies where fancy, machine-made goods are coveted. Females, seated in fire-pit fashion, will bob their heads, cry out, and applaud at the more notable items. Depending on the mood of the day, the circumference of the pregnant female abdomen may be measured again and again with lengths of toilet paper amidst joyful shouts. Names for the unborn may be freely proposed and rejected.
(Photo above: This is not a game. From left, Hostess Briggs Siitari, trying to lean OUT of the photo of sisters, Jennifer Blethen, Marcelline Harrisonfields and Melissa Blethen, who is trying to lean INTO the picture.)
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Unusual and creative food and drink items will have been produced by appointed clan members, chosen by lot, not skills. Nothing larger than a forefinger will be offered at any one time, using small, colorful, flammable platage. The weight gain of the pregnant female will be discussed, with the more experienced tribal mothers passing down their opinions and beliefs.
That's about it, I think. We've left out a lot, but it's really for the best. Well, would you believe us if we told you that they actually melt a variety of unwrapped chocolate candy bars into baby diapers and then pass the soiled diapers around, asking guests to sniff and name the brands?
We didn't think so.
"Yeah. The transition is going pretty good over at the White House. I heard today that Dick Cheney even offered to take Obama pheasant hunting."
