It was the fall of 1973, and brothers Virg, Steve and Stan had hosted their share of wine-women-and-song Saturday night events. It was time for something different. "The Godfather" had won Best Picture the previous year, spaghetti and lasagna is cheap and everybody likes it, so the brothers figured a sit-down Italian dinner with a mobster theme would be just the thing to impress dates and entertain invited guests.
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| "Mama" and her stallion. |
Alex and Marian ran a photo business out of their Chaska home and had a contract with Stan's newspaper company for darkroom services. Always up for a good time, they were easily volunteered as a cook and a waiter for a fun fake formal dinner. It helped that Marian was a for-real great Italian cook and that Alex loved to be called "The Italian Stallion." Both grew up in traditional Italian families on the Iron Range.
When the dozen invitees arrived, they were told that dinner was being prepared in the kitchen by two recent Italian immigrants, Alex and Mama Vitali. They were a poor uneducated couple, but did know authentic cooking and the hosts were just trying to help them get a start in the new country.
Mama still spoke only Italian, though her husband did speak a bit of broken English. The guests bought it.
"She no speeka da Inglish," Alex confirmed, right on cue. This muted role suited Marian just fine, being very shy anyway, unlike her jocular, outgoing husband.
At the head of the table, Stan took on the role of Godfather, dressed in a black tuxedo rented from the basement of a vintage Dinkytown clothier, Al Johnson's. As the dinner progressed, from time to time a subservient waiter would consult with the Godfather in a fake Italian. The Godfather responded discreetly in fake Italian, to the amazement of those within earshot.
Heaping platters of pasta and tomato paste and bottles of chilled wine were delivered to the huge makeshift table, with a busy red-vested waiter constantly urging guests: "
Mange, Mange!" The hoax was working. But the hosts had no idea how completely Alex and Marian had fooled the guests. They figured the diners all got the joke and were just playing along in the spirit of the evening. They were wrong.
After a sumptuous banquet finished with scoops of spumoni, it was time to confirm the joke and honor Alex and Marian for their superb acting and contribution to a fun evening.
The reveal set-up called for a heated Alex to repeatedly whisper to the Godfather that Mama Vitali was upset and insulted that people were not eating, despite urgings. He needed satisfaction for his wife's honor.
The Godfather encouraged the guests to please eat more, because, goodness, this is customary to gorge and if you are not gorging, there must be something wrong with the food and it was insulting to these immigrants. The guests were stuffed, so no one complied, of course. The back and forth continued until an enraged waiter returned for the last time to the head of the table, this time with a three-foot baguette in hand.
According to the script, Alex would break the bread over the Godfather's scalp in a fit of feigned anger. Our guests would then burst out laughing at this over-the-top slapstick performance, and the true identities of Alex and Marian would then be confirmed, as the good friends and good sports that they were.
That was not to be.
Right on cue, Alex smashed the loaf on the Godfather's head. But there was no outburst of laughter. You could hear a pin drop as the guests froze, stunned at this ugly, unseemly turn of events. It was now up to the Godfather to hurriedly explain, "Hey, we're just kidding. Really, Alex isn't mad. Mama isn't insulted. It's a joke. Get it? This is just Alex and Marian from Chaska. They've lived in Minnesota all their lives. They're just good friends helping out."
Most of the guests now got it, laughing with relief, but not all of them got it.
Later, as the happy crowd departed the festive mobster venue, a grateful but still confused guest approached Alex, who was standing beside Marian, and slowly and clearly asked just when she had left Italy and how did she like her new country.
