Saturday, February 17, 2007

Linda Letnes banned from Saddlebrooke clubhouse

The first guests at Cafe del Solveig arrived this morning to check out the new digs.

Stan's sister, Linda Letnes, flew to Phoenix yesterday to stay with her dear cousin Karen Kirmis and her husband, Don. They decided to make a day trip to visit the 3Rs Golfhouse in Tucson.
Neighbor Dick Krueger, who was outside powerwashing his house with a small engine, was pressed into service to record the event. (see photo.)

After a tour of the house, with a special stop at the new bedroom retreat to admire the brown and pink motif, the guests were ushered to the tall kitchen table for a late breakfast.

Despite the possibility of an inter-family schism, Kathleen boldly served her traditional waffles along with fruits and sausage. Mr. and Mrs. Kirmis have yet to sample Ron Letnes' new entry into the waffle derby, so they were able to neatly sidestep making any comparisons. Suffice that they ate sufficiently and commended the cook roundly and drank lots of coffee.
Meanwhile, Linda ate her waffles and drank her Fresca cum grapejuice, but with torn loyalties was only able to remark positively, without making any rude comparisons to her husband's output. Meanwhile, Mr. Ron was back in Ft. Collins, writing a loving email and sending it to Linda in Tucson, understanding his bride may be going through some separation anxiety as this is a rare parting for the smitten couple. What a Valentine he!

Two of the best stories told at the kitchen table involved this same Mr. Letnes, and brought gales of laughter from everyone in a loving understanding of this man who 1. Always gets the last word. 2. Has absolutely no respect for authority.

Of course we love this man. A Norwegian Lutheran with these properties? What a treasure.

Linda's contraband seized by authorities
There may be some controversy already concerning the new Letnes waffle. Mr. Ron prescribes a liberal slathering of a peanut product called "Nutella" on his crepe-like creations. Some have complained that this product is so seductive it makes a fair judgment of his waffle/crepe impossible. In order to test the theory, Linda volunteered to bring a jar of the Nutella with her from Ft. Collins.
Linda soon learned at the airport security gate that Nutella is a dangerous substance. Homeland Security forbids its transhipment in large quantities. Linda was forced to surrender it and now we shall never know of its alleged ability to transform even a mediocre crepe into a divine gift.

We cleared the dishes and moved our guests to the comfort of Virgil's Craigslist Couch. Kathleen was so excited to join in the group discussion that, for the first time in her life, she put the dishes in the dishwasher without washing them first.

In the living room we discussed the Kirmis housing situation. Don and Karen have retired to a log cabin in an isolated coulee by the Missouri River in western North Dakota. We have never actually seen this cabin, but have studied the Lewis and Clark survey charts and believe it could possibly exist in the area they describe. Available satellite photos yield no evidence of civilization in the described area, but the outpost is new and may not yet be updated on Google Earth. So it could be.
The couple also owns a condominium in Detroit, where both finished their professional careers, and now, given the decline in that market, despair of being able to sell it at a fair price. They rented a vacation villa in Phoenix near Luke Air Force Base where their son, Paul, and their pregnant daughter-in-law, Kim, live with their grandson, Walker. The sex of the future grandchild is unknown. These kids are old-fashioned, it would seem.

To lighten the moment, Karen and Linda were invited to view the Rolfsrud Relics, in the glass museum case in the formal dining room. Sharp-eyed Karen spotted the Agnes Veeder pottery without any prompting from the curator. Sister Solveig Agnes Shearer was credited with protecting its provenance. She was also credited as donor of the hand-painted wooden plates depicting the Norwegian story of the ultimate supremacy of woman (smart) over man (stupid). It was agreed that this allegory is represented in most cultures in most civilizations and not unique to Norwegians.
Erling Rolfsrud's photo album with wooden covers, labeled "1940" in raised wooden letters reminiscent of Bible Camp craftwork, was taken down and paged. Karen could identify many of the rural images we could not, Watford City High, for one.

Linda is about to purchase a home in Minnesota and is faced with a variety of decorating choices. She welcomed our offer to escort them through 10 model homes on the Saddlebrooke Street of Dreams. We five toured the homes and built up an appetite... for food.
We dropped by the recently remodeled Saddlebrooke Clubhouse. It was populated by men in shorts, women in skorts and sandals, men in loud plaid and other play clothes. We mention this simply because the senior golf course culture has a bizarre view of the appropos, one not shared by most boomers, but grudgingly accepted, nonetheless. It is called golfcourse casual.

The relevant facts are these: you may not eat in the Saddlebrooke dining room, you may not have a drink at the bar, you may not have a cheeseburger at the informal Roadrunner Grill, if you are wearing denim. Our sister was the only one in our party wearing this forbidden fabric, so she was not welcome anywhere in our clubhouse. No matter that she believes these are sophisticated designer jeans, she was banned.

No matter to us. We are not here to see or be seen. While aware that the Rev. Ron would have vociferously protested this abitrary and capricious dictum, and perhaps called for a boycott and a chorus of kum ba ya, and then snuck into the dining room anyway, today we just wanted to enjoy our family.

This we did, at a much lower cost, at the nearby Lariat Steakhouse and Saloon, where we were welcomed to finish a very enjoyable day with Linda, Karen and Don.
The weather was perfect -- 75 and blue sky -- and the company was wonderful.

(Photo: The Dos and Don'ts at the clubhouse. Do wear the pants on the left. Don't wear the pants on the right.)