Saturday, August 18, 2012

A wild goose chase to Xfinity. . .

New Prague is a lovely, progressive town 30 minutes from here, filled with shops, schools, churches, parks and comfortable homes. However, it does not have a Comcast Cable TV service center.
This is news to Comcast.
We subscribe to the monolithic enterprise that delivers Andy of Mayberry, America's Funniest Videos, Fox News, the WWF and the like to our home. For the past few months this otherwise reliable stream of entertainment has been intermittently interrupted without notice, producing a noisy, snowy gasping before the box eventually resets itself and resumes normal programming.
This can be irritating. Once while Raymond was asking Debra for sex, the Comcast signal suddenly fizzed out and by the time it came back on again his mother was serving them both lasagna, so we just had to assume that Ray's hopes had been dashed yet again.
Fed up, we used the intricate phone tree and recall system to consult with a live Comcast engineer about what the problem might be. Copious theories were posited, none very useful.
Later, by swapping the bedroom box and wiring with the living room box and wiring, we had our "aha" moment and determined that there was a loose connection between the power source and the not-so-magic rental box.
We don't own the equipment, so we wanted to swap the defective parts for new ones. We sought authority to do this first, of course, but this time we chose to contact Comcast using their customer chat line. (Oddly, you don't actually chat on a chat line, you type.) Everything went quite well, we thought, the extremely polite "analyst" on the other end of our chat went along with our request once we had typed enough to convince "Teresa" to authorize the trade. Then Teresa directed us to a Comcast service store. We had our choice of locations, she typed a list of possibilities. Feeling like a relaxed ride in the country, we chose the lovely town of New Prague. She kindly provided us with a street address in New Prague: "200 Alton Ave Se New Prague, MN". We thanked her and concluded our chat, then voluntarily filled out a survey of our satisfaction on the on-line form for that purpose.
This morning we scoured New Prague from one end to the other. Nothing. No 200 Alton. We ended up in a Radio Shack store (yes, New Prague has a Radio Shack too) where the nice man first Googled "Comcast" and found an address for a mythical store in a New Prague residential area, so he then called the 800 number for confirmation. That Comcast employee had to agree that there is no such thing as a Comcast store in New Prague. Try Richfield, she suggested.
All this may be hard to believe, dear reader, so we offer the actual transcript of yesterday's chat, directing us to the imaginary New Prague Comcast store. It's a study in careful, polite conversation, kindly directing us to perdition, little else. Enjoy!

CHAT ID: E8E5BF97-C218-4F65-AF51-0BA6A84A3FDF
Problem: We have three additional outlet service boxes. One is defective, we have determined this by swapping them around. I would like to trade the defective box for a new one. Can I do this? How do I do it. Where do I take it?
Teresa > Hello stan, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Teresa. Please give me one moment to review your information.
stan > My Issue: We have three additional outlet service boxes. One is defective, we have determined this by swapping them around. I would like to trade the defective box for a new one. Can I do this? How do I do it. Where do I take it?
Teresa > Hi! You have reached the Xfinity Cable- Technical Department where we value your Lifestyle. Let me extend a warm smile to make your day even better! I hope your day is going well.
Teresa > As part of Comcast Customer Guarantee, rest assured I will personally do everything within my means to address your concern today.
Teresa > May I know what happened to your cable box?
stan > It seems to have a loose connection. For months now, we get service interruptions, then it resets itself. When we traded the living room box with the one in the bedroom, the problem moved with the box to the bedroom, where we are now experiencing choppy reception and power outages like we were before in the living room. I have no idea what caused the problem, it took us a while and a phone call to comcast before we figured it out. Check my file.
Teresa > Thank you for that information Stan.
Teresa > Just to clarify, you want to exchange your cable box for a new one, is this correct?
stan > yes
Teresa > Thank you.
Teresa > You can swap your cable box in your local service center.
stan > where might that be
Teresa > I can note this on the account so that it would be for free.
Teresa > I found some service center in your area, they are: Minnetonka, New Prague, Richfield, Minneapolis, and Brooklyn Park.
Teresa > Which do you prefer?
Teresa > I would give you the address.
stan > New Prague
Teresa > Thank you.
Teresa > Their address is Minnetonka, New Prague, Richfield, Minneapolis, and Brooklyn Park.
Teresa > They are open Monday-Friday: 11:00am-7:00pm. Saturday: 9:00am-5:00pm.
stan > What is the address in New Prague?
Teresa > Their address is 200 Alton Ave Se New Prague, MN 56071
stan > Thank you. Do I need any paperwork?
Teresa > Please bring the box, wires, remote and manual (if any). Please do not forget to bring a valid ID and a Comcast bill.
Teresa > Do you have other concerns for me today? Please do not hesitate to ask questions as I'd be glad to assist you further.
stan > OK. Did you authorize something that they will recognize at New Prague?
Teresa > They would be checking the system, and since I have noted it you can swap it for free.
Teresa > Before we finish up I'd like to just take a minute to review what we have done for you today.
stan > Thank you very much. This has been bugging us for months and maybe we'll get some relief now :)
Teresa > You contacted us because you want to swap your cable box and you were asking for the service center and I provided you with one.
Teresa > Before you go, I would really appreciate it if you would answer our short SURVEY to provide us feedback on how I assisted you. You may do this by simply clicking the " EXIT CHAT" button then "TAKE OUR SURVEY" after our chat session.
Teresa > Would that be fine with you?
stan > ok
Teresa > Excellent! Thank you so much! I would love to see the result of your survey after our chat. I hope I was able to provide you a Highly Satisfactory resolution to resolve your concerns.
Teresa > By the way, I see here that you are eligible to subscribe to our SPP. Service Protection Plan (SPP) is an optional comprehensive plan that is offered to all Comcast residential Customers. For a low monthly fee, it covers the Customer for service calls related to trouble caused by inside wiring issues or problems with Comcast-owned equipment.
Teresa > Would you like me to add it on your account?
stan > no
Teresa > Just a reminder for the survey. Please click " EXIT CHAT" button then "TAKE OUR SURVEY" to formally close this chat page and proceed to the survey page.
stan > ok
Teresa > Thank you for contacting Comcast! We appreciate your business and values you as a customer. Should you need further assistance in the future, please do not hesitate to chat us back again. We are open 24/7 or you may call our hot line number at 1-800- 9346489 or 1-800-XFINITY. You may also visit our FAQ page at: http://www.comcast.com/Corporate/Customers/FAQs.html?lid=4Custom ersFAQs&pos=Nav . Thank you and have a wonderful night, Stan!